The Manchester United Black Friday Sale is now on!

Get on down to Old Trafford and grab yourself a bargain!

LEAKED: European Super League Teams Set to Adopt New Franchise Names and Crests

As the footballing world deals with the fallout from Sunday night’s European Super League’s announcement, more news has leaked about the proposed league that will undoubtedly shock the footballing world.

According to leaked documents, all twelve participating clubs are set for a controversial rebrand, with each being given a new ‘franchise’ name. Super League lawyers believe that the move could help their teams avoid future legal trouble, while founders of the Super League think it will help the league appeal to a larger, English speaking audience.

You can view all twelve of the proposed new franchise logos below.

Inter Milan will now be known as the Milan Grass Snakes.
Inter’s long standing rivals AC Milan have adopted the Milan Black Devils title.
Juve’s new name is a play on the club’s nickname.
Real are one of the few teams set to maintain elements from their previous crest, and will now be known as the Madrid Royals.
Atletico are now set to go by the Mattress Makers.
Barcelona have embraced the Catalonian flag.
The boys from West London will now go by the London Blue Lions
The Gunners are now the London Gunners.
The Tottenham Hotspur Stadium will now host the London White Cocks.
The men from Old Trafford took inspiration from the club’s ‘red devils’ nickname.
Manchester City are now the Manchester Blue Moons
Liverpool’s new identity incorporates the nearby River Mersey.

Roy Keane SLAMS Wife’s Performance in Bed

A characteristically scathing Roy Keane has critically analysed a disappointing sexual encounter with his wife on Thursday evening. The outburst took place during a live recording of what was supposed to be analysis of Liverpool’s Saturday showdown with Leicester.

‘There was no passion, no drive, no hunger,’ began the former Ireland international, speaking from the Sky Sports studio as an alarmed Micah Richards and David Jones watched on. ‘After more than 20 years of experience, you never imagine you’ll see a performance like that. The least you expect is a little bit of movement in the box.’ 

‘A big of sluggishness can be expected on a wet playing surface, but sometimes it was like she didn’t know what position she was supposed to be in.’

Despite Jones’s attempts to bring the conversation back to Leicester’s defending from set plays, Keane pushed forward with his tirade, uninterested in the endless debate about zonal vs man marking. ‘And what’s with all this kissing and hugging? Back in my day you just disappeared down the tunnel and went home.’

Richards, sniffing an opportunity to further enrage his fellow pundit, gently reminded him that his wife Theresa has lost a yard or two. In typical fashion, Keane rounded on Richards, telling him that his wife had a job to do and that she can’t keep living off past triumphs.

‘I learnt that the hard way with United.’