Saudi Arabia Step in as Euro 2021 Host

Shockwaves have been sent through the footballing world today after UEFA announced that the 2021 European Championship will now be played in Saudi Arabia, following a successful meeting with the Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

Despite strong opposition from the FA, the decision is said to be final and Saudi Arabia are expected to begin preparations as early as next week. UEFA bosses have cited the Gulf nation’s excellent Covid-19 record as one of the deciding factors behind awarding them the tournament, and have that claimed money was never even a consideration, in a statement issued to press from a recently-acquired UEFA yacht.

When questioned by media about Saudi Arabia’s appalling human rights record, unforgiving climate and unusual location, a UEFA spokesperson offered a strongly worded retort defending their new hosts, saying: ‘Saudi Arabia is a proud and progressive nation, any lies you have heard are no doubt a result of Western propaganda, and it’s actually more reminiscent of Europe than you might think. The women are even allowed to drive nowadays.’

Mohammed bin Salman proudly announced that no expense would be spared, telling reporters: ‘Nothing will stop our stadiums from being completed on time, no matter the financial cost or the cost to human life.’

‘If Qatar can manage 6,500 dead workers then I’d like to think that, in the time we have, we could at least double that,’ he later added.

The entire tournament is now expected to be held between the 16th June and the 3rd of July, with the bottom team in each group expected to be hanged at the closing ceremony.

The Balon Door 2020 – Vote Now

Filmed and edited by Lee James Allen.
Music by Christos Yiannakou.

This week, the eyes of the football world should have been fixed on the 65th annual Ballon D’or ceremony – but after a Covid-caused panic, France Football cancelled this year’s awards, robbing one unlucky player of a life-defining honour. 

But where France Football fell short, Total FootBull has stepped up to the plate to bring the world a new prize, The Balon Door. 

There are some big-name nominees but the award itself, a 1981mm x 762mm 6-panel door coated in 0.25l of Rust-Oleum gold paint, is bigger than any of the players up for the prize. 

Will it be Messi or Ronaldo, Lewandowski or Neymar, De Bruyne or Salah? The fate of the door is in your hands. View the 10-man shortlist and vote below.

The winner of the inaugural Balon Door will be announced 5pm next Thursday via the Total FootBull website and social media channels.